(An awesome night of ice-skating with best friends. Thankful for great Christmas memories!)
I cannot be more thankful for the past two weeks of chemo-free bliss. Though you wouldn't think two weeks would make much difference, it has actually been a relief from the constant droll of the normal chemo schedule.
I would say this past holiday has been harder than I expected. When you face a disease that constantly overshadows your life, it seems extremely easy to let your mind reminisce on the past. Days that seemed hard then now look heavenly. As I have talked to fellow cancer-fighters, I have found that Christmas can be two-faced. On one side, you enjoy the incredible time with your loved ones. Yet in the back of your mind, you dread the thought that next year could easily be far worse.
With that in mind, I find that my best option is to press on. The end is drawing closer with every round of chemotherapy. My Stem Cell Transplant is quickly arriving, and I can finally let my mind dwell on the reality that I will soon be able to return to a "normal life." I don't think anyone that has not had a true relationship with cancer really understands how much cancer really takes away. It seems the general conception of chemotherapy is that it stinks - but you will get through it.
I truly wish it was that easy . . .
(My ever so faithful pump, kindly filling me with cancer-killing drugs)
Seeing that it is now Monday, I will be heading to the hospital at 8:00 for the first day of a five-day stay. After doing this every three weeks for the past nine months, I have actually mastered the art of surviving five days of chemo terror.
Benadryl (25 mLs) = knock myself out . . .
When dealing with these drugs for so long, I have learned it is better to sleep through the nausea rather than brave it out. Being tough just leads to vomiting and extreme discomfort. (I feel sick just thinking about it!)
As I stated above, thankfully this too shall pass.
For now, I have an amazingly strong and supportive family, a mind-blowing Oncology Team of doctors and favorite nurses, and faith in a God that never leaves my side.
Many people assume cancer-fighters would have reason to pull away from God. Yet the ones I have talked with all seem to have drawn closer to Him. When your only life-line is the One who entrusted you with such a disease, what else can you do but trust Him? He holds the the true hope and reason for our very existence. (If you want to know what this hope looks like- read my other post here!)
Though I may never understand the reason God gave this cancer to myself, fellow-cancer fighting friends, and those I don't even know- may never be revealed here on earth. However, I cannot imagine how much sweeter Heaven will be when we all reach our final destination . . . cancer-free, worry-free, and completely healed.
Thank you all for your constant prayers. I know that so many of you are upholding us through this journey. You are an incredible blessing!
(Meet the newest addition to our Crew! This is "Lego." He is my seven week old yellow lab that shows true potential as my cancer therapy pup. He could not have come at a better time.)