Why do I have Type One Diabetes?
Why three kids with Type One Diabetes?
Why cancer?
Why cancer at 19?
Why bone cancer?
Why metastasized bone cancer?
Why a "big-league" cancer?
Why chemotherapy?
Why so much chemotherapy?
Why all the horrendous side effects?
Why all the horrendous side effects?
Why do pediatric cancers exist?
Why do kids get cancer?
Why are all my roommates on my floor like - three years old?
Why are all my hospital floor-mates bald like me?
Why do they have to fear death?
Why do only a few "get" to live?
Why do some people never have any hardships?
Why my family?
Why others families?
Why at all?
Why ...?
Why ...?
Why ...?
Why ...?
I could write the "Why's" for hours . . . my mind is exploding with them.
Franky, after just talking to a few cancer survivors/fighters I can almost guarantee their minds are fogged by the same question.
I sit here perplexed.
Usually my posts are questions that I work through and break down to help both my readers and myself. However, the questions right now seem to outweigh the answers.
Though I may never get answers, I know one thing. I have an opportunity to use this dark place and shed some light.
(My awesome nurses have given me a new nickname. Hope it sticks!)
Though cancer may plague my mind, I can rest in the safety of God's will. This was not an accident; God has a deliberate plan for this in my life. James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him."
Though there are many cancer related realities I cannot control, I can control one thing . . .
what I do with them.
(Inpatient chemo with my princess by my side)
Though I may never get answers, I know one thing. I have an opportunity to use this dark place and shed some light.
(My awesome nurses have given me a new nickname. Hope it sticks!)
Though cancer may plague my mind, I can rest in the safety of God's will. This was not an accident; God has a deliberate plan for this in my life. James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him."
Though there are many cancer related realities I cannot control, I can control one thing . . .
what I do with them.
I am currently writing the "Why Hope" page, but have yet to finish it. Frankly, it's not easy.
I love you
ReplyDeleteWe love you and your family and are praying
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart once again and for being so transparent. We are praying for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteYour ability and willingness to reflect on and accept all possibilities shows unconditional strength! I am so blessed to know you and be by your side through this journey! - Katherine
ReplyDeleteThat is (I think) the best nickname to be given, but also very special when given to a certain person, like you. I wont tell you to keep fighting because there's not much of a choice, but I will say thanks. You're really remarkable.
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