New Normal

Well, I for sure have to pull in my reins. 

Trying to finish my senior year of high school and this last quarter kicked off with a "D". 

I was doing really well until I hit my first test.

Yeah.

Very bad for morale. :)

For all the trouble that Type One causes, I wish I could blame all my problems on it.

Sadly, life doesn't work for me in that way.

I think it should.

You know when you have those days where everything is going wrong. 

Where you find it easier to write a list of everything that is going wrong, compared to what is going right.

That's what I've felt like the past week . . . give or take a little. :)

Although I consider myself an optimist . . . optimism is presently weak. 

Mom told me about people who go through hard trials like loosing a family member, getting cancer, or getting type one. They often go through stages of grief.

First comes the initial shock.

Followed by denial . . . 

Then anger. 

Grief.

Yet finally, and most importantly . . . 

Acceptance. 

I would say I am closer to the end of "Step: Anger". 

Now when I say anger, it can mean different types of anger for certain types of people.

People become bitter, something that can harden them for their entire life.

Some may become angry at what they must live with for the rest of their life.

They become angry because of what they have lost. What they can't enjoy anymore.

This past week has been the hardest for me. 

I have felt edgy and vulnerable.

I  have found myself hurting others because I was hurting.

All this to say I would consider myself in the "anger" stage.

I am not angry at God: I look forward to seeing how He uses Type One in my life.

More or less, I think I was more angry because I don't feel like me.

When I am around others, I don't feel like myself.

I don't feel normal.

Others don't really know what to say . . . or how to help.

And even when some do, it's not like there is anything I want.

I won't ever be able to feel like myself. Part of me has been lost.

Now, I am in the process of creating the "New Normal". 

I know it will come in time . . . but T1 just makes life rather hard right now.

Even when it is hard like this, I know God never gives what He knows I can't handle!

I just have to keep plodding.

Don't look to far ahead . . . 

And keep on going! 

My Mom's favorite writer, Amy Carmichael, said, "In acceptance lieth peace."

So that's the synopsis of where I am. 

I hope this isn't discouraging, but I think it will help you understand Type One if I can express where I am in this whole journey . . .  

Step by step in my life with Type One Diabetes! :)